DISCLAIMER: This article is for comedy purposes only. The views represented in this article are extremely biased and do not represent my views and any views of people I’m affiliated with. As said before, this is for comedy only, and although true facts are used in this article, they are presented with an anti Common Core bias that eliminates the purpose of a informative article. This will not inform anyone on anything and those looking to learn more about the Common Core should avoid this article.Now, we all know what the State Tests are Math and English. These tests have caused some concern with students and parents alike. You know what I have to say? Screw it. Screw the State Tests. As someone who just took the English Test, I am saying from the bottom of my heart, whoever created these things are on my personal hit list. Here’s the reasons why.
- The people who compile tests are complete jerks. Let me explain, I just got done with taking the ELA test and the articles they used, infuriate me to no end. Let me go through the whole book 1 with you, telling you the articles and why they suck. First article is about Modern Art, and I admit, this one is good. It talks about a Spanish port city that got a makeover with Bilbao museum. Second article, however, I kid you not, is called “City Slicker Beez”. Yes, that is a Z at the end of bees. If that doesn’t scream 90’s cringe fests then I don’t know what will. The rest is relatively run of mill informative articles, but the last one, oh, the last one. The last article is when normally, you’re bored out of your wits, having to endure an unknown amount of hours to get to this point, so, this last article has the audacity to focus it’s points on how not to be bored. Yes, you heard that right, how society can eliminate boredom, and it doesn’t mention the State Tests once. I don’t know about you, but I smell the overwhelming stench of BS. If that’s not bad enough, do you know how insulted I was that at the peak of my boredom, they give me an article on how to not be bored? It was soul-crushing, and it made want to slam this guy’s head against the bathroom sink.
- The State Test originally got some major flak because it was too long and was stressing kids out because of the time limit. They gave us unlimited time and “shortened” the test. I put “shortened” in quotations because they did barely shortened it at all. What did you think they did, remove a few short answers off every book? Take away one of the essay questions? No! In the first book they took off 7 multiple choice and called it a vastly shortened test! That’s all they did. Look! Little Timmy will now have to darken 7 less circles! It’s a Christmas Miracle!
- Essay Questions. Do I need to explain? I’ll do it anyways. Essay Questions task you with writing an essay that covers 2-3 points that need to be talked about to get any resemblance of credit. Sounds alright, right? Wrong. These Essays, most of the time, require a deep understanding of the story. You will find it very hard to find a deep understanding of a story by reading a 2 page excerpt from a 200 page novel. So, most of the time you have no idea what’s going on and you end up writing about the main character’s harrowing trip to Taco Bell, when you were supposed to write about the meaning of him going to Taco Bell and the meaning of life and how they tie in because he’s becoming a tub of lard due to his unhealthy obsession with Taco Bell. But, the information regarding his obsession is not in the excerpt provided, so according to the state, just because you like Taco Bell, you have an unhealthy obsession with it. You fat piece of crap.
- The typos, the typos. The Math Test is choc-full of the things. I can’t tell you much about the questions, (because we’re still taking the test) but imagine a choice where the only logical choice in your mind is not on the multiple choice selections. But, you catch sight of what looks to be the right answer, and you notice it’s negative, not positive. You’ve worked out the math, and nothing else makes sense yet that answer is the closest to being right. So, you’ve worked so hard to make sure you get that question with the typo. When the State finally realizes the mistake, they don’t count the question, so all that work you just did, just jumped off a bridge along with your dignity.
- The test is hyped up way too much. It’s so bad that when most kids think they failed, they’re thinking about going home and chugging bleach, because for all they know, they’re going to work at McDonald’s for the rest of their life.
- This article. The fact that there is so much stupidity with these tests that I can write a whole article about it is astounding. The Common Core has reached a new level of stupid. I don’t even think it’s still within the gravitational field of Earth. It blasted off, and now it’s halfway to Pluto.
Thank you for choosing Stupid Airlines, we hope you had a lovely time reading this, in between questioning the state of humanity. I would like to remind you that this article is meant for entertainment, and is not informative in any way. Thank You.